The Urban Dictionary definition of the term “badass” is as follows:
“someone who is so cool that their very presence is radiating with awesomeness”
That can be me, right? I’ve been trying to convince people that I am a total badass but unfortunately, everyone finds it hard to grasp that a straight-edge like me can be badass. Well, here are things that I believe propel me to the appropriate level of badass-ness.
- I have two piercings, one in each ear. Now, I know that’s nothing to gawp at, but do you know when I got them? When I was less than a month old. LESS THAN A MONTH. Beat that, bitches.
- On a normal weekday, I go to sleep at midnight, sometimes even later. Yep. I stay up past the witching hour, y’all. And you know what the best part of that is? I WAKE UP AT SEVEN AM. THAT’S RIGHT. I am so badass, I don’t even need to sleep.
- Today, I had an enormous lunch. And what was I doing, a mere hour after lunch? Snacking on pretzels. A MERE HOUR. I wasn’t even hungry, but I was snacking, yo. Respect for me.
- I have at least two songs from 30 Seconds To Mars in my music player. Not that I listen to any of them, because they do hurt my ears, but the fact that I had them adds to my level of awesomeness.
- I have an ex. That should be enough.
- I wear large earrings all the time, which is sometimes a painful process, and about as equivalent, pain-wise, to getting a tattoo. I think so anyway. And speaking of…
- I’ve gotten tattoos before. Granted, they’re temporary, and made of henna, but I HAVE gotten semi-permanent markings on my skin before, and it’s the thought that counts.
- My room is purple. You can’t get anymore badass than that.
- My parents are going to get me a Vespa. Every badass needs his/her own vehicle and although a Vespa isn’t quite a Harley, it still counts in its own cute way.
- Waxing no longer fazes me. I admit, in the olden days, I used to tremble at the sight of hot wax bubbling away, but now, I’m like, “Bring it on!” The hair roots in my legs have become numb.
Do you people see how badass I am? Next time anyone doubts me, I’m leading them straight to my blog-post. Everyone else is an amateur at this. I’m so awesome.